Essence of boredom! stupefying Theme! Whereon with eloquence less deep than full, Still maundering on in slow continuous stream, All can expatiate, and all be dull: Bane of the mind and topic of debate That drugs the reader to a restless doze, Thou that with soul-annihilating weight Crushest the Bard, and hypnotisest those Who plod the placid path of plain pedestrian Prose: Lo! when each morn I carefully peruse (Seeking some subject for my painful pen) The Times, the Standard, and the Daily News, No other topic floats into my ken Save this alone: or Dr. Clifford slates Dogmas in general: or the dreadful ban Of furious Bishops excommunicates Such simple creeds as Birrell, hopeful man! Thinks may perhaps appease th' unwilling Anglican.Lo! at Society's convivial board (Whereat I do occasionally sit, In hope to bear within my memory stored Some echo thence of someone else's wit),Or e'er the soup hath yielded to the fish,A heavy dulness doth the banquet freeze: Lucullus' self would shun th' untasted dishWhen lovely woman whispers, "Tell me, please,What are Denominational Facilities?"
